Personal trainer

I simply MUST have one of these: Sega's new personal Love Trainer.

The very thought of a Japanese drill sergeant verbally kicking my ass into shape as I get busy is so appealing that I'm willing to spend any amount of money, even in the face of full-scale economic depression, to have one.

About the only thing that would be better is if R. Lee Ermey was the voice of The Love D.I.

"You call that fornication?! Hit it! Harder!! What's the matter, soldier? Do you want your mommy? Step aside, limp-dick. Let me show how a REAL Marine does it!"

[Apologies to Stanley Kubrick.]